if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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