If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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