I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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