worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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