Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
handjob tips. give me some.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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