life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm at about main and main street
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
