question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
