You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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