Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
