Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize