Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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