I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
