Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i would punch a child for taco bell
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
