like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
