i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
