Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
