Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
