Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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