Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
