I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
