He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
