you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
two words: eviction party
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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