I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
