He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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