You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Everyone says I win the strip club
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
