My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
