whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I smell like Dick and happiness
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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