I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
