Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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