I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
