Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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