I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
