im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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