OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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