I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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