Grow some girl-balls and come out already
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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