i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
