3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
