he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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