Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
