her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
