Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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