Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
