Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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