Umm I'm too high to move.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
