I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
