Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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