I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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