I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
