I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
3pm strippers are depressing
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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