You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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