Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
