How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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