True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
