Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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