About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
