I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
