rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
