what day is it and did you see me today?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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