My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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