Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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