who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
