I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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