halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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