Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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