you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
