the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
