I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize