If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
