So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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