Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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